A Woman of Substance

Years ago I came across a book called 'The Woman of Substance' by Barbara Taylor Bradford. As a child of six, I thought the book was about my mother.

From the beginning I knew mom was special. It wasn't just because she was my mother, there was something that set her apart from the rest. Maybe it was the steely determination she had to succeed no matter what the odds or the innate strength which got her through 10 years of domestic violence. Or maybe just the fact that being optimistic and cheerful came so naturally to her.

I would often look at her and wonder why she wasn't embittered at the tough set of cards dealt out to her. In fact, there were times I even resented her optimism, mainly because I couldn't relate to it. We have had our share of arguments and fights where I often accused her of being a Saint!!

It is only now, after becoming a mother myself that I realise that she is as human as any of us. What makes her different is the absolute belief she has that good karma will always pay off and that bad times cannot last forever.

I wasn't the easiest child to bring up for a single parent. I went through my rebellious phase which lasted well beyond my teens. I also went through a I-don't-care-what-you-think phase where I would listen to everything she said with disdain and dismiss it. I must have caused her a lot of grief at times but there was never a time when I went to bed without knowing that she was there for me.

Mom is my go-to for every crises, big or small. I am often guilty of firing the gun from her shoulder at several unpleasant tasks. I am fully prepared my daughter will return the favor as she grows up!! Mom calls it the law of karma :)

Mom is someone who believes in absolute communication. According to her anything that is bottled up can only lead to a physical manifestation of disease. Because it was just the two of us for the longest time, she never concealed anything from me. I vividly remember how at the beginning of each month, we would sit together and make envelopes - rent, gas, electricity, water. With the meagre amount leftover, mom and I would decide what to spend it on-fruits or a meal out or maybe a visit to our then favourite market, Sarojini Nagar. While those days were hard; I was in college and mom was the sole earning member, they taught me valuable life lessons.

From mom I have learned that it's okay to be scared. It's natural to be upset or feel low. It's okay to want to give up. And it's normal to cry during bad times. Maybe because of this I have grown up with very little residue from the years of violence I witnessed. It was mom who kept me grounded, and still does.

Years ago, I came across these lines "The best things to give your children are Roots and Wings." I would say that my upbringing epitomized these lines. There have been many mistakes I have made; as a parent it must have been terribly hard for mom to stand by and not interfere. Yet she let me chart my own course and find my way through it all. Today she is my biggest supporter and greatest support.

It might sound clichéd to say that she is my inspiration, but she truly is. There are many things I want to emulate when it comes to her, hopefully I'll be able to by the time I am her age. Of all the people I have met in life, she is truly what I call A Woman of Substance.