Behind Closed Doors

The menace of domestic violence is one that plagues us far more than we realize. There are countless tales that are forever locked behind closed doors, never to see the light of the day. The reasons may be varied-shame, lack of choice, fear...but the result remains the same. And the ones among us who are fortunate enough never to experience this, are often guilty of turning a blind eye to those who are going through it. We conveniently put it under the slot of not wanting to interfere in someone else's life but the truth is that we are scared. Scared that somehow crossing over to the dark side to help someone might result in the plague finding its way into our homes.

I grew up with a parent who was a schizophrenic and his favorite pastime was using his fists on my mom. I grew up thinking this is how all families were supposed to be- happy on the outside and traumatized on the inside. If it wasn't for my mom, I probably would still believe this.

As a child of three or four or five or six or any age for that matter, there is nothing worse than standing by helplessly, hearing your mother scream for mercy. My parent was the picture of normalcy outside the four walls of the house, so much so that mom and I used to call him "PG-Perfect Gentleman." He was attentive, affectionate and articulate-only we saw the monster within behind closed doors. Our neighbours, friends, colleagues all interacted with us as though we were any normal, happy family; which is probably what we came across as and which is what made it so much tougher for mom to confide in anyone. There was always the fear that no one would believe her. Unfortunately in our society, the onus of proving any form of abuse invariably falls on the woman. After 10 long years of almost daily violence, mom was fortunate enough to escape the situation. But there are so many women who are trapped for financial, emotional, mental reasons. Who wake up daily feeling there is no choice but to be someone's punching bag. Who have learned to smile while weeping inside. Women who say "Of course we are fine" while silently screaming for help. Who have resigned themselves to the fact that there will be no saviour they can look forward to- not their parents, not their friends, definitely not random strangers? And it is this belief that emboldens the abuser, every minute, every day. The belief that no one will have the courage to step up and say "STOP!" And this is where each and every one of us is guilty. The signs are there for us to read, we CHOOSE to turn a blind eye.  Today as a wife and mother of two, I realize that there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my children and to shield them from the harsher realities of life. The same as I am sure each and every one of your moms' feel. So isn't it somewhere our duty to ensure that 20 years down the line none of our children ever have to face a hand being raised towards them? Isn't it our duty to teach our sons that violence in any form is not acceptable and teach our daughters that putting up with violence is equally unacceptable? Isn't it our moral responsibility to reach out the next time we suspect a woman going through domestic violence? She might tell us to mind our own business but at least she will go through her days knowing that there is one person out there who is ready to help. It takes very little to let another human being know that they matter. Let's find the courage to take that one step.